I’ve gone and done it now. I’ve just advised my landlord that I will not be renewing my lease when its 12-month term is up at the end of August. Yikes! Decision-making time came round so quickly; I was trying to put off what to do about hanging on to my Brooklyn pad as long as possible. But I have realised that while I have always wanted to live here in New York, living here for 18 months has done for me what nothing else could: helped me see that I don’t want to live here permanently.
When I saw an “attorney” a few months ago about options for holding on to my green card, she said: “You lottery-winners are all the same. Most people I see are desperate to get a green card. They will do anything, crawl over hot coals, to get one. The ones who win one in the lottery are all ambivalent.”
Ambivalent is the word: from the Latin ambi– “on both sides” + valere “be worth”.